They/them pronouns: forms, verb agreement and examples
They, them, their, theirs, themself. One person, plural verbs: they are, they were.
The forms
| Subject | they |
|---|---|
| Object | them |
| Possessive before a noun | their |
| Possessive on its own | theirs |
| Reflexive | themself or themselves |
In a sentence
- They are running late, so save them a seat.
- I asked them, and they said yes.
- Their bus was cancelled again.
- The notebook on the desk is theirs.
- They made themself a coffee before the meeting.
- They were at the party, but they left early.
The forms
They is the subject, them the object, their the determiner, theirs the pronoun that stands alone, and themself or themselves the reflexive. This page is about using the set day to day. The glossary entry on they/them covers its history and the old grammar argument.
They are, not they is
Singular they takes plural verbs: they are, they were, they have. Merriam-Webster, which added the non-binary sense of they to its dictionary in September 2019, compares it to you: a pronoun that was once only plural, and still takes are when it means one person.
The linguist Dennis Baron notes that you was not accepted as singular until the seventeenth century. Nobody hears you are as a mistake now, and Merriam-Webster thinks it quite possible that non-binary they will end up just as unremarkable.
Themself or themselves
Both are used. Merriam-Webster lists themself as a reflexive for a single person, including a person who is non-binary, and notes that it is increasingly accepted. The Chicago Manual of Style began allowing themself for one person in its 2017 edition, with the note that some people will still prefer themselves.
Some people who use they have a favourite. If the word comes up often, it is a perfectly good thing to ask. If you do not know, either will be understood.
When they could mean a group
The one real cost of singular they is ambiguity. "Sam and their friends said they would come" could mean Sam, or everyone. The fix is the one careful writers already use: put the name back in where the sentence needs it. That is not avoiding someone's pronoun. It is making the sentence clear.
They as a default
They/them is the most widely used set among people outside the gender binary: 75.0% of respondents chose it in the 2025 Gender Census. That still leaves a quarter who did not, and the survey's author is clear that no pronoun suits everyone. They works for the moment before you know. It does not replace asking, and it is not a safe hedge for someone who has told you they use she or he.
Dictionaries and style guides
Merriam-Webster made they its Word of the Year for 2019, after lookups rose 313% on the year before. In 2017 the AP Stylebook allowed they for people who do not use he or she, though with caveats, and Chicago made its change the same year. The American Dialect Society had already named singular they its Word of the Year for 2015.
If you slip
Say they and keep going. The glossary entry on misgendering explains why a short correction works better than a long apology.
Questions people ask
Is it they is or they are?
They are. Singular they takes plural verbs, the same way you does when it means one person.
Should I say themself or themselves?
Either is understood. Themself is in Merriam-Webster and accepted by the Chicago Manual of Style for one person; some people prefer themselves. If the person has a preference, use it.
How do I avoid confusion when they could mean a group?
Use the person's name where the sentence would otherwise be unclear. That is ordinary clear writing, not avoiding their pronoun.
Can I use they for someone before I know their pronouns?
It is a reasonable placeholder, and so is their name. Once you know their pronouns, use those.