Theyfriend
A gender-neutral word for a boyfriend or girlfriend, usually a nonbinary partner.
Theyfriend is a gender-neutral alternative to boyfriend and girlfriend, built from they and friend. It is used for a [[nonbinary|nonbinary]] partner, or one who uses [[they-them|they/them]], when the gendered words do not fit.
Wiktionary labels it a neologism, and its earliest printed example there comes from Talia Hibbert's 2018 romance novel Wanna Bet?
It is not the only option, or everyone's favourite. Enbyfriend, from [[enby|enby]], means the same thing, and so does joyfriend. Datefriend was already being defined online as a gender-neutral word for a partner by 2014. And partner, the plainest of all, works for anyone and says nothing about gender.
The right one is the one your partner likes. Some nonbinary people are perfectly comfortable being someone's girlfriend or boyfriend; some want partner or spouse and nothing else. Ask.
One practical caution. A word like theyfriend or enbyfriend tells whoever is listening that your partner is nonbinary. If they are not out to that person, partner is the safer choice, and see [[outing|outing]] for why it matters.
Theyfriend is not required for dating a nonbinary person
It gets treated as the correct term, as if calling a nonbinary partner your girlfriend or boyfriend were automatically a mistake. For some people it would be; for others it is exactly the word they want. The partner decides.
It is also not a joke word, even if it sounds light. For the people who want it, it lets them be someone's partner in ordinary conversation without being filed as a boy or a girl.
Saying it well
Say this
- This is my theyfriend.
- My theyfriend is picking me up.
- Theyfriend, enbyfriend, partner: whichever you like.
- Just call me your partner.
Not this
- Using theyfriend after being asked for partner
- Telling people your partner is nonbinary when they are not out
- So what are they really?
- Saying theyfriend with audible quotation marks
Questions people actually ask
What does theyfriend mean?
A gender-neutral word for a boyfriend or girlfriend, usually used for a nonbinary partner.
What is a gender-neutral word for boyfriend or girlfriend?
Theyfriend, enbyfriend, joyfriend and datefriend all exist. Partner is the most widely understood.
What is the difference between theyfriend and enbyfriend?
None in meaning. Both describe a nonbinary partner; people pick whichever they like the sound of.
What should I call my nonbinary partner?
Whatever they prefer. Ask them, and think about who they are out to before using a word that signals they are nonbinary.