Non-binary
A gender that isn't exclusively man or woman.
Nonbinary means having a gender that is not simply man or woman. It is an umbrella, not a single identity, and it covers a great many different experiences that have only that one thing in common.
Under it sit agender people who have no gender, genderfluid people whose gender moves, bigender people who have two, demiboys and demigirls who partly hold one, and a large number of people who have never found a more specific word useful.
The binary it refers to is a system, not a pair of options. Nonbinary people are not choosing neither from a menu of three. They are describing a gender the menu does not have a row for.
Most nonbinary people count themselves trans, since their gender is not the one they were assigned. Some do not use the word, usually because trans still reads to them as a binary crossing. Both positions are common and neither is a mistake.
It says nothing about appearance. The androgynous image that comes with the word describes a small fraction of the people it covers. There are nonbinary people with beards, in dresses, in suits, and people you would read on the street as a man or a woman without a second thought. Presentation is not evidence.
It says nothing about medical transition either. Some nonbinary people take hormones or have surgery, in whatever combination gets their body closer to right. Many do not. There is no threshold, and nobody nonbinary owes anyone a demonstration.
Nonbinary is not a third gender
The most common picture adds a box: man, woman, and nonbinary as the option beside them. That flattens the umbrella into a single thing. An agender person and a bigender person are both nonbinary and their experiences have almost nothing in common. The word marks what they are outside, not a category they are all inside.
The second misreading is that nonbinary means androgynous, which turns a gender into a dress code. It also does real harm, because it hands people a reason to decide who counts. Nobody is more or less nonbinary for how they look.
Saying it well
Say this
- I am nonbinary.
- They/them, please.
- Nonbinary, and more specifically agender.
- Nonbinary is an umbrella. Mine is one version of it.
Not this
- So you are a third gender?
- But you do not look nonbinary
- Which one are you really?
- Are you having surgery? (asked of a stranger)
Questions people actually ask
What does nonbinary mean?
Having a gender that is not simply man or woman. It is an umbrella covering many different experiences, including agender, genderfluid, bigender and many people who use no more specific word.
Is nonbinary a third gender?
No. It is not one more box beside man and woman. It marks being outside the binary, and the people it covers have very different genders from each other.
Are nonbinary people trans?
Most consider themselves trans, since their gender is not the one they were assigned. Some do not use the word, and that is their call.
What pronouns do nonbinary people use?
They/them is the most common and a sensible default when you have no information. Plenty use he, she, both, or neopronouns, and asking is always fine.
Do nonbinary people medically transition?
Some do, some do not, and there is no required combination. Nothing about transition makes a person more or less nonbinary.