Ethical non-monogamy

Ethical non-monogamy, usually shortened to ENM, is an umbrella for relationships that are not sexually or romantically exclusive, where everyone involved knows and agrees. It is also called consensual non-monogamy, or CNM, and the two names cover the same ground.

It is a family rather than a single arrangement. [[polyamory|Polyamory]], [[open-relationship|open relationships]], swinging and [[relationship-anarchy|relationship anarchy]] all sit under it, and so do narrower arrangements such as being [[monogamish|monogamish]]. What they share is the absence of deception, not any particular structure.

The consent is the definition. Non-monogamy without it has an older and plainer name, cheating, and relabelling it does not change what it is.

Everything else is agreement. Who else each person may see, what is shared and what stays private, how new people are introduced: those are worked out between the people involved, and they differ enormously from one relationship to the next.

On a dating profile, ENM is a starting point rather than an answer. It tells you someone is open to non-exclusive relationships. It does not tell you whether they already have partners, what their agreements are, or what they are hoping to find. Those are the questions to ask, and what to put on a dating profile covers saying it clearly yourself.

ENM is not another word for polyamory

Polyamory is one kind of ethical non-monogamy, centred on having more than one romantic relationship. ENM is the whole family, including arrangements that are mostly about sex and arrangements built around a single couple.

The difference matters on dating apps, where ENM can mean anything from a couple with a narrow agreement to someone with two long-term partners. The word tells you the category, not the shape.

Saying it well