Monogamish
Mostly monogamous, with agreed and limited exceptions.
Monogamish describes a relationship that is monogamous in structure with agreed exceptions: a couple who are otherwise exclusive and have negotiated some specific latitude, usually narrow and usually around sex rather than romance.
The word was popularised by Dan Savage in 2011, and its usefulness is that it names the large space between strict monogamy and polyamory that a lot of couples actually occupy without a word for it.
The exceptions are generally specific rather than general: while travelling, at particular events, with prior agreement, or a list of what is and is not included. Vagueness is what makes these arrangements fail.
It is worth stating on a dating profile precisely because it is easy to assume it means something looser than it does.
Monogamish is not polyamory with a softer name
It gets read as a euphemism for an open relationship or as poly for people who are not ready to say so.
The structure is genuinely different: the relationship is monogamous and the exceptions are narrow and enumerated, rather than the relationship being one of several.
Saying it well
Say this
- We are monogamish.
- Exclusive, with a couple of agreed exceptions.
- Specific exceptions, agreed in advance.
- Not poly. Monogamish.
Not this
- So you are basically open
- That never works
- So it is monogamy with loopholes
- Just say poly
Questions people actually ask
What does monogamish mean?
A relationship that is monogamous with agreed and usually narrow exceptions.
Who coined the term?
It was popularised by Dan Savage in 2011.
Is monogamish the same as an open relationship?
Not usually. Monogamish implies specific enumerated exceptions rather than general freedom.
Is it the same as polyamory?
No. The relationship remains structurally monogamous.