Relationship anarchy
Declining to rank relationships, romantic or otherwise, against one another.
Relationship anarchy is the practice of not ranking relationships by type. A romantic partner is not automatically more important than a friend, and the shape of each relationship is negotiated with the person in it rather than inherited from a template.
It was named by Andie Nordgren in a 2006 pamphlet, and the central claim is that the usual hierarchy, partner first, then family, then friends, is a convention rather than a fact about how much people matter to each other.
It is not the same as polyamory, though the two often occur together. Polyamory is about how many romantic relationships; relationship anarchy is about whether romantic relationships outrank the rest.
It is close to queerplatonic in spirit. Both start from the observation that the available relationship categories are too few and too rigid for the connections people actually have.
Relationship anarchy is not the absence of commitment
The anarchy in the name suggests no rules, and it is regularly read as a way of avoiding obligations.
The actual practice tends to involve more explicit negotiation than conventional relationships, not less, because nothing is assumed by default.
Saying it well
Say this
- I practise relationship anarchy.
- My closest person is not my partner, and that is fine.
- Each relationship is negotiated, not inherited.
- RA, for short.
Not this
- So you have no commitments
- That is an excuse for avoiding responsibility
- So nobody matters to you
- That is just polyamory
Questions people actually ask
What is relationship anarchy?
Declining to rank relationships by type, so that romantic ones do not automatically outrank friendships.
Who coined the term?
Andie Nordgren, in a 2006 pamphlet.
Is relationship anarchy the same as polyamory?
No. Polyamory is about how many romantic relationships; relationship anarchy is about whether they outrank other relationships.
Does it mean no commitments?
No. It usually involves more explicit negotiation, because nothing is assumed by default.