Metamour
Your partner's other partner, who is not your partner.
A metamour is your partner's partner, with whom you are not in a relationship yourself. The word fills a gap that ordinary English leaves wide open: everyone in a polyamorous arrangement needs a way to refer to this person, and there was not one.
The relationship between metamours varies completely. Some are close friends, some are civil acquaintances, some deliberately never meet, an arrangement sometimes called parallel polyamory.
Nothing is owed between metamours beyond ordinary courtesy. The expectation that they must like each other causes a fair amount of unnecessary strain.
The collective term for a whole network of partners and metamours is a polycule, which is a portmanteau of polyamory and molecule and is as literal as it sounds.
Metamours are not required to be friends
The assumption is that everyone in a polyamorous network must be close, and that anything less is a problem to be worked on.
Many arrangements work precisely because the metamours keep a comfortable distance. What is required is courtesy, not intimacy.
Saying it well
Say this
- She is my metamour.
- We are metamours and we get on well.
- Parallel, so we have never met.
- Our polycule has six people in it.
Not this
- So you are rivals
- That must be awkward
- Do you compare notes?
- Which of you does he prefer?
Questions people actually ask
What is a metamour?
Your partner's other partner, with whom you are not in a relationship.
Do metamours have to meet?
No. Some are close friends and some never meet, an arrangement sometimes called parallel polyamory.
What is a polycule?
The whole network of partners and metamours connected to each other.
What do metamours owe each other?
Ordinary courtesy. Friendship is welcome but not required.