Graysexual
Somewhere between asexual and not: attraction that's rare or conditional.
Graysexual describes someone who sits between asexual and allosexual: they experience sexual attraction, but rarely, weakly, or only under conditions narrow enough that the usual words do not fit.
It exists because asexuality turned out not to be a switch. Some people feel attraction a handful of times in their life. Some feel it only after months of closeness. Some feel something that resembles attraction but is faint enough that they cannot tell. Grey is the honest name for that band.
The spelling moves around. Graysexual, greysexual, gray-a, grey-ace and gray-asexual all mean the same thing, and the choice is usually just which side of the Atlantic someone learned the word on.
It sits on the asexual spectrum, and most graysexual people count themselves part of the ace community. Demisexuality is the neighbouring term, describing attraction that appears only after a strong emotional bond. Many people fit both descriptions and use whichever one explains their situation faster.
Being graysexual says nothing about whether someone has or wants sex. Attraction and behaviour are different things. Plenty of graysexual people have active sex lives for reasons other than attraction, and plenty have none at all.
It is not a compromise position for people afraid to say asexual. Grey is a description with edges, arrived at by people who checked both neighbouring words and found that neither one told the truth.
Graysexual is not low libido, and it is not indecision
Libido and attraction are separate systems. Someone can have a strong sex drive and still rarely be drawn to a particular person, and someone can have almost no drive while experiencing attraction normally. Graysexual describes the second axis, which is why treating it as a medical matter misses what is being said.
The other misreading is that grey means not sure yet. It is a specific report: attraction happens, and it happens seldom or faintly enough that neither asexual nor allosexual is accurate. That is a conclusion, not a hesitation.
Saying it well
Say this
- I am graysexual: it happens, but rarely.
- Gray-ace, somewhere on the asexual spectrum.
- I need to know someone well before anything shows up.
- Attraction and libido are not the same thing for me.
Not this
- You just have not met the right person
- Have you had your hormones checked?
- So you are half asexual
- That sounds like you are just picky
Questions people actually ask
What does graysexual mean?
Experiencing sexual attraction rarely, weakly, or only in specific circumstances. It describes the ground between asexual and allosexual.
Is graysexual the same as demisexual?
They overlap but differ. Demisexual attraction requires a strong emotional bond first. Graysexual attraction is simply infrequent or faint, with or without a bond. Many people fit both.
Is graysexual part of the asexual community?
Yes. It sits on the asexual spectrum and gray-ace people are generally counted as part of the ace community.
Is graysexual the same as low libido?
No. Libido is sex drive, attraction is being drawn to a particular person. They move independently, and graysexual describes attraction.
Do graysexual people have sex?
Some do, some do not. Attraction and behaviour are separate, and the word describes attraction only.
Is greysexual the same as graysexual?
Yes. Graysexual, greysexual, gray-a, grey-ace and gray-asexual all mean the same thing. The spelling usually depends on which side of the Atlantic someone learned the word on.