Cupiosexual
Feeling no sexual attraction while still wanting a sexual relationship.
Cupiosexual describes someone who experiences no sexual attraction but still wants a sexual relationship. The desire for the relationship is real; the attraction that usually precedes it is not there.
The reasons vary and are usually specific to the person: wanting the closeness, wanting the ordinary shape of a partnership, enjoying the act without the attraction, wanting to give something to a partner.
It matters on a dating app because it is exactly the case that gets misread in both directions. Cupiosexual people are told they cannot be asexual because of what they want, and told they cannot want it because they are asexual.
Cupiosexual is not a contradiction
The objection is that wanting a sexual relationship disproves the asexuality, which again collapses attraction and desire into one thing.
Attraction is a pull toward specific people. Wanting a relationship is a wish about one's life. Neither requires the other.
Saying it well
Say this
- I am cupiosexual.
- No attraction, and I still want the relationship.
- Cupiosexual, which confuses people in both directions.
- Asexual, and not celibate by choice.
Not this
- Then you are not asexual
- So you are doing it for them
- Make your mind up
- That is a contradiction
Questions people actually ask
What does cupiosexual mean?
Experiencing no sexual attraction while still wanting a sexual relationship.
Is cupiosexual still asexual?
Yes. It sits on the asexual spectrum; the absence of attraction is what places it there.
Why do people want a relationship without attraction?
Reasons vary: closeness, the shape of a partnership, enjoying the act, or wanting to give something to a partner.