Cupioromantic
Not experiencing romantic attraction, and still wanting a romantic relationship.
Cupioromantic describes someone who does not experience romantic attraction but still wants a romantic relationship. It sits on the [[aromantic|aromantic]] spectrum: the attraction is absent, the wish for the relationship is not.
It is the romantic counterpart of [[cupiosexual|cupiosexual]], and the logic is the same. Attraction is a pull toward particular people. Wanting a relationship is a wish about your own life. You can have the second without the first.
Some people use it a little more loosely. The LGBTQIA+ Wiki gives the example of someone [[demiromantic|demiromantic]] who starts dating a person before any attraction has formed. The core stays the same: the desire for the relationship does not wait for the attraction.
The prefix is Latin, from cupio, I desire. The first name for the idea was kalosromantic, from a Tumblr post in 2014; the prefix was swapped for cupio about a month later, partly because kalos kept prompting Pokémon jokes.
The word has been argued over. In 2014 and 2015 some writers in asexual and aromantic spaces said it turned the social pressure to be in a couple into an identity. Many cupioromantic people answered that naming how that pressure plays out in their own lives is exactly what a label is for. According to the LGBTQIA+ Wiki, the argument had largely died down by 2016.
Cupioromantic is not a contradiction
The objection is that wanting a romantic relationship proves the attraction must be in there somewhere. That collapses two different things into one. People want relationships for companionship, for the shape of a shared life, for closeness, and none of those depends on the particular pull that romantic attraction describes.
The second misreading is that a cupioromantic person is simply waiting for attraction to show up. It may or may not. The relationship they want is real either way.
Saying it well
Say this
- I am cupioromantic.
- Aro, and I would still like a relationship.
- No romantic attraction, and I want the partnership anyway.
- Cupioromantic, so let us talk about what we both want.
Not this
- Then you are not really aro
- You just have not met the right person
- So you are leading people on
- Make your mind up
Questions people actually ask
What does cupioromantic mean?
Experiencing no romantic attraction while still wanting a romantic relationship.
Is cupioromantic aromantic?
Yes. It sits on the aromantic spectrum, because the romantic attraction is absent.
What is the difference between cupioromantic and cupiosexual?
Cupioromantic concerns romantic attraction and romantic relationships. Cupiosexual concerns sexual attraction and sexual relationships. Someone can be one, the other, or both.
Is it fair to date someone if you are cupioromantic?
Yes, if you are honest about what you feel and what you want. That is the same condition every relationship runs on.
Where does the word come from?
From the Latin cupio, I desire. It was first posted as kalosromantic on Tumblr in 2014 and renamed about a month later.