Demiromantic
Romantic attraction that only appears after a real emotional bond.
Demiromantic describes someone who only feels romantic attraction after an emotional bond has formed. It is the romantic counterpart of demisexual, and the two are independent: a person can be one, both, or neither.
The bond is not itself romance. It is knowing someone properly, which is why demiromantic people so often describe falling for friends and almost never for strangers. The crush on someone across a room is the experience the word describes as absent.
It sits on the aromantic spectrum, between aromantic and alloromantic. As with demisexual, the point is not the position on a scale but that it names something people previously described as being slow or broken.
Demiromantic is not being careful
It gets read as a policy of not rushing into things, which turns a description of feeling into a description of discipline.
Most people feel some romantic pull toward people they barely know and then decide what to do about it. A demiromantic person is reporting the absence of that first step.
Saying it well
Say this
- I am demiromantic.
- Romantic feelings arrive once I actually know someone.
- Demiromantic and allosexual, which surprises people.
- I have never had a crush on a stranger.
Not this
- Everyone is a bit like that
- So you are just cautious
- That is how love is supposed to work
- So you are secretly aromantic
Questions people actually ask
What does demiromantic mean?
Feeling romantic attraction only after an emotional bond has formed.
Is demiromantic the same as demisexual?
No. One is about romantic attraction, the other about sexual attraction. They are independent.
Can demiromantic people date?
Yes. The attraction arrives later than most people expect, which mostly affects how relationships begin.