Questioning
Not knowing yet, which is a position rather than a gap.
Questioning describes being unsure about one's gender or orientation and being in the process of working it out. It appears in the acronym LGBTQ as the Q alongside queer, and it is a real position rather than a placeholder.
It has no schedule. Some people question for a fortnight, some for twenty years, and some conclude that they are cis or straight, which is an answer and not a failure to arrive at a different one.
What the word protects is the right to be in the middle of something without being asked to declare. On a dating app it is worth saying, because it manages expectations more effectively than a label someone is not sure of.
Questioning is an answer to where someone is, not an absence of one
It is treated as a waiting room, with the real answer arriving later, which pressures people toward premature certainty.
Concluding that you are cis or straight is also an outcome of questioning, and it is not a lesser one.
Saying it well
Say this
- I am questioning.
- Working it out, and not in a hurry.
- Questioning, which is where I actually am.
- I questioned for years and concluded I am cis.
Not this
- Come back when you know
- So you are probably gay
- That is a phase
- Just pick something
Questions people actually ask
What does questioning mean?
Being unsure about one's gender or orientation and working it out.
How long does questioning last?
There is no schedule. It ranges from weeks to decades.
What does the Q in LGBTQ stand for?
Queer or questioning, depending on who is using it, and often both.