Aroace
Both aromantic and asexual.
Aroace is the short form for someone who is both aromantic and asexual: little or no romantic attraction, and little or no sexual attraction. The two often occur together, which is why the compound exists.
It is not simply one orientation with a longer name. Being aroace usually means the whole frame of romance and sex as the organising structure of adult life does not apply, and the consequence is practical: friendship, chosen family and queerplatonic relationships tend to carry the weight that a partnership carries for other people.
Aroace people are frequently told they will change their minds, and the assumption is that the current state is a pause. For most it is not a pause; it is the answer they arrived at after examining the question more carefully than the people asking.
Aroace is not a life without close relationships
The assumption is that removing romance and sex leaves an empty life. What it usually leaves is a life organised around other bonds, which aroace people generally describe as full rather than reduced.
Queerplatonic partnerships turn up frequently for this reason: committed relationships that are not romantic, which the ordinary vocabulary makes no room for.
Saying it well
Say this
- I am aroace.
- Aromantic and asexual both.
- Aroace, so my closest relationships are friendships and that is not a consolation prize.
- Aroace and in a queerplatonic partnership.
Not this
- You will change your mind
- So you will be alone
- Have you tried dating?
- That is just a phase
Questions people actually ask
What does aroace mean?
Being both aromantic and asexual: little or no romantic attraction and little or no sexual attraction.
Do aroace people have relationships?
Many do. Friendships, chosen family and queerplatonic partnerships often carry the weight that romance carries for others.
Is aroace a phase?
For most people who use the word, it is a conclusion reached after considerable thought, not a stage.