Alterous attraction
Wanting emotional closeness that is neither friendship nor romance.
Alterous attraction is the pull toward emotional closeness with someone, where the closeness wanted is neither clearly platonic nor clearly romantic. It is not a halfway point between the two; it is a separate thing that the existing words do not cover.
The word comes out of aromantic communities, where the question of what to call an intense attachment that is definitely not friendship and definitely not a crush kept arising with no answer available.
It is closely tied to queerplatonic relationships, which are often where alterous attraction ends up going. Alterous names the feeling, queerplatonic names the arrangement people sometimes build from it.
Alterous is not a midpoint between friendship and romance
The instinct is to place it on a line with friendship at one end and romance at the other, which is exactly the framing the word was made to escape.
It is a different axis. Someone can feel alterous attraction toward a person and also feel, or not feel, romantic attraction toward them separately.
Saying it well
Say this
- Alterous attraction.
- Not a crush, not friendship, something else.
- I want to be close to them and neither word fits.
- Alterous, which is why queerplatonic came up.
Not this
- So it is a crush
- You are just close friends
- Somewhere between the two
- Make up your mind which one it is
Questions people actually ask
What is alterous attraction?
Wanting emotional closeness with someone, where the closeness is neither clearly platonic nor clearly romantic.
Is alterous halfway between friendship and romance?
No. It is a separate kind of attraction rather than a point on a line between the two.
What is the connection to queerplatonic relationships?
Alterous names the feeling; queerplatonic often names the relationship people build from it.